Another rainy day and I'm sitting home watching my depressed kitty. She can't walk with that thingy around her neck so I have to move her to everywhere and feed her every now and then. Medicine time is the hardest part :)

Yesterday I had a quite successful job interview and now I'm invited for the second round. I have no idea about recruitment consultancy but they are quite convinced that their training will be enough for me to understand the job. Are there any headhunters or recruitment consultants out there who can give me some tips?

Here I'm sitting in a cafe after the interview and waiting for a friend...

 This Friday I'm going to the biggest career fair of The Netherlands, I want to know more about the market. All this time being an artist, I was just way too far from business world... I could be a business man though. My father's family was into IT and they had several companies and I was to be a future CEO. What I did? Chose to be a dancer! :)

I did quite well for a while actually but now I'm back in the office! I still don't say that it's over and I will give up all my dreams but one has to earn money right?! :)

Oi! My oven is ready! It's pizza time! (Yeah, again! :) )

 

   Finally my horrible weekend is over. I even had a huge argument with the bf last night! What a weekend! It's the second day of my kitty with the thingy (what's its name anyway?) around her neck. We are taking it off before eating and putting it back after she is finished. She can't walk with it or do anything else...

I wonder if she's gonna get use to it or stay like that all the time? She looks really upset and thats breaking my heart, watching her on the couch all the time. I tried to take it off but she starts attacking to her sticthes immediatly! If there is anyone who went through this before please give me some information about what to do.

 

See, I wasn't kidding when I wrote ''she looks upset''...

Btw, hairs on her tail is already start growing back!

 

 Somebody, shoot me! Please! My weekend is getting worse and worse! They told me that I had to work whole weekend then on friday night my kitty had an accident and lost a part of her tail. (I'll pass the yukky details) We had to take her to emergency vet. and had her operated.

 

This her picture after the operation. Ofcourse she had to spend the night in the hospital , too. Today she managed to take her bondage off and we had to take her back to ER. The good news is they told us that her wound is quite good so she doesn't need the bondage but to stop her from biting the wound they put a thingy around her neck. Now she looks like some sort of night lamb/satelite thingy

Hopefully she'll be alright till next week then I should take her back to have her stiches removed. The whole thing cost an unexpected 300 euro's and seems like there is more to come :(

 

 

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by writing such personal emotions on a public blog... Maybe I might take it out later but now I need to get these things out of my head and share. Some of you know that I'm going into a different direction in my life right now. Applied to a company in recruitment business and managed to get into the process of being accepted. Soon I will have a good starting position and a good salary. In two years of time I will be given a good car and in 3 years I'll be promoted to a higher position. How do I know these things? (Apart from my talents in divination? :) ) Because I know what I can do and how much I can do in this business.

Then why cry this much right? and feel empty? Let me tell you in advance, it's not happiness. Until today I kept my hopes of reaching to my dreams. Didn't have so much left in me but it was enough. Today, I gave up. Chose the next best thing and now going on with the process of it. I will have money and power again. I don't have to worry about every small financial issue in my life anymore. I will be strong again. Stronger than in the last 2 years. Since my last injury... The injury which gave the biggest sign of the end. I just didn't want to accept it. Until today of course!

Some of you already do know that I was a dancer. Trained as a dancer, worked as a dancer and lived as a dancer. What you don't know maybe I wasn't a dancer who is only dancing for the pleasure of it, for art or expressing himself. I always had a dream. Even when I was a over weight, short kid. Being a star... I'm sure sounds familiar for most of you but I'm not sure if actually most of you ever got that close and lost it. How can you miss a food that you never tasted right? I tasted, even digested and then lost it. I know how warm are the spot lights, heard the applause of thousands, hundreds and sometime 10 people but every time I had the same pleasure. I accepted their flowers, compliments and saw the admiration in their eyes.

It was the pleasure of my life. Even the jealousy of my colleagues sometimes, bitching, lying and sometimes loosing against them... These entire things were feeding me to go higher.

I was so convinced that I was going to reach to my dreams and I wasn't delusional either! There were people who made me believe that. Teachers, directors, photographers and more, they all told me that I could do it. They said that I was talented and I had The Spark. They told me I could do so many things and it was for sure that I was going to reach to the top. Where are they now? Where were they last 2 years? Where were they when I had my interview yesterday to get in to my new career?

I'm sure they would be proud if they could see how impressive I look in suit and tie. No body was proud when I ripped off a muscle unfortunately, or screwed my both knees in the past... After my last injury I tried a lot to hold on to anything, any of the things I was doing. I wanted to do something and stay in the showbiz but I just couldn't. I would give so much just to count down at the backstage again or sit for make up...

I lost it all. Can't dance anymore, definetly not like I could in the past. There were all other options but shortly I can say that they are out of reach as well. I will never be ‘'B.... T...'' but I'll be Mr. T... now, just another Mr. in millions of them. Maybe I never meant to be anyway and I was stupid enough not to see it. If it wasn't meant to be then why let me experience all that!?

It doesn't matter what I did in the past now. The problem is that I never had a day without having my dream giving me energy to live. Now it's all gone and I don't know what I'm gonna do or how I'm gonna do...

 

Ok. That's it! Enough with this racism bullshit! What happened to the country of freedoms and windmills?

Amsterdam was like the NYC of 17th C., people were coming here from all over the world to be someone, to make their dream come true. Like the New York of 19th C. Somewhere between then and now things are changed. Nowadays it's a beautiful town filled with ignorant people. Aren't there nice people too? Yes, there are but there are enough people writing them so let me complain about idiotic ones for now...

Let me give you some example conversations:

Ignorant Dutch Person: I love couscous
Cerberus: Really?!! But what is that?
IDP: Couscous
C: Yeah but what is couscous?
IDP: DON'T YOU KNOW?? *looks shocked*
C: No...
IDP: It's like national food of Morocco!
C: Yeah but that's the problem; I'm Turkish, you know just told you...
IDP: Yeah, but aren't you like neighbors??
C: Get a map... *walks away*

Here is another:

IDP: So you were studying in a university *looks amazed* , but how could you reach to the school?
C: What do you mean?
IDP: You know, I mean how were you going to school? Was it close to your house? Were you going there by foot?
C: Oh, I see... By Camel!
IDP: Wow *looks even more amazed*
C: *understands that his stay in Holland is gonna be fun*

Last for now:

IDP: So you are gay, how did you survive? Aren't they killing gay people over there?
C: I didn't! They stoned me first then hanged and now I'm dead *stands on the taadaa position*
IDP: *walks away*

Actually now I'm thinking that I can always write more and complain any other time but now I'll upload some pictures of Istanbul so people can see where I'm coming from and if we have camels on the streets or not 